Black days

its drive me crazy whenever think back those black days occurred on myself, which it has given me a very big impact. how to overcome it? despite it almost a year, but it is seems as just happen moment ago. damn!

Sorry Denaisha, daddy 整天弄你哭..

last night, i have wacked my kid with a stick due to his naughtiness and cried so bad. momi said: can you stop make her cry? luckily i knew how to pamper her back. i was just wanna let her know what is DONT and what is DO. she is getting naughty, she wont listen popo's instruction, sometime hit her with anything at her hand.

today, during dinner, i told momi how i taught ying2 123, ABC and how fun it was, i even told her i did pampered her, and get her into mood. momi said: yes, she will be that as she in the mood, and you always make her cries.

oh common, that was really a short-live joy and i nearly could not swollen my meal!!!

i told her: please, do not jump into conclusion that i will always make her cries where you witnesses me did that during night (7pm-1030pm), and the weekends.

she cut the conversation: no, my whole family members said so, you always makes her cries. and even dad said to Ying-Ying before we back to KL: when you back to KL, dad will always hit you with the stick and makes you cries. did you know, she never cried during my paternity leave in Penang?

am i so bad??? am i not a loving dad? do i really did something wrong??? it really hurt me when i was seems considered as : ALWAYS HIT THE KID WITH STICK!!!!'

do you know it really hurt me? i do not want to argue with you, one day, you will realise i could just write here how my feeling was without go into unpleasant conversation / argument. i do not want to... especially 媽 is here.

from today onward, i will not wack you with the stick, Ying2.

lonely-2-months period....

just back from BM after sending wife n kid last friday. started my journey bout 1130am and reached KL 230pm, sent back the borrowed car to uncle and straight back to home. this is the most loneliness periods for me to be honest. will not be hearing the voice of little naughty Denaisha, nor the beloved lovely wife's scolds! lol...

i was figuring it out, what to be done 2 get myself  busy..

normal routine for weekend, collect the dried cloths, iron, get rest, and watch 'ROOMATE' variety from South Korea.. herm.. yeah,.. Nana is just a cute girl. ahahah

Annie (2nd elder sister) just called me and asked how things goes, what dinner will i have, bla bla bla... we spoke about 1 hr 30 mins, thats alot of issues we talked so much, bout myself, family, other siblings issue, d ying2, d little baby.. herm.. thats we called "親人有心" i appreciated it so much, i feel great i m having a caring sibling, without them, i would not be able to stand for the pressure / life's up & down... . i was also almost broke down when i talk bout the problem where its been happens to myself for 5 years!!! yes, 5 years. not to write here, i will know my aging little princess will find out this blog someday. lol..

herm.. yes, start to the dissemble my Beats Pro for spray new colour, but there were few T5 screws are loosen, damn!!! got to find how to settle this!!! got to get myself to abeh to use his stuff for fix the loosen screw . that was pretty great idea thou.. till then, i stop it, as its require so much patience for the next course (only able to proceed other dissamble after the loosen screw).

nah, no game 2day for MU as it was yesterday, won 2-1 and spent 30mins by 10 player after sending off the idiot R10 captain, as usual, did not expect the good temper from him.

MCL injury, again...

i teared my MCL last night during futsal game, prior to that, i was having the feeling that the knee is not at superb condition where i can feel the knee stability is not as great as i wish. i got no idea why i did suddenly rang Ken up and told them i wanna join them for the game.

During the game, i tried to take more precaution and tried to not do so much movement. i did, but about an hours past, i feel the knee is something wrong, and i thought: ok, lets get this set of game end and i will stop playing. Damn!!! when i was turning my body from left to right, i head the 'POP' sound from my knee and i thought promptly : oh my god, bad day!!!! yes, i was jumping a leg to the side and 1 of my team mate thought i was having muscle cramp and he raised my leg to stretch it but i yelled at him and stop him, he stunned! i told them, it is MCL injury and not muscle cramp.

i was not afraid of the pain as i have experienced it twice in 4 years. same thing goes, knee got swollen, unable to bend it. week, barely can walk. the most important that i gonna regret of this injury is i am about to sending my wife (with her 8th month pregnancy) and kid back to Penang, she will be having her standby give birth of the baby by 8th Oct, 2014.

i was thinking, how am i going to fetch them back since i barely can walk, and cant even drive my bloody spoiled-much-problem aging Toyota Seg Manual Transmission!!!!

back to the injury, 2 guys carried me to the side, to have a rest whilst to wait them to done the game, and get my ex-housemate KEN send me home. common dude, i cant even walk, how can you expect me to drive a manual transission car? (my injury is on left knee).

During waiting the teams finished the futsal session, i called to my boss about the bad news and told him that i will get MC 2moro. called to Denaisha's baby sitter, get them to fetch her up, and even told my eldest sister (Michelle) about my intention to get a car exchange (borrow her car to go Penang whilst she can use my car for the time being).

Game finished, Ken is sending me home. i told him i need 2 packs of ice cube, which part of the injury treatment, where it would get the swollen to be better. reached home, he carried me along to my house where it is located at 2nd floor, need to walk for the 2 floors staircase. during back to home, i keep telling him that im sorry for this hassle and feel ashamed that this as i joined them for the game for the 1st time. he said: i am sorry for casing u to get injury. and i keep telling him: i am the one who supposed to apologize. upon reaching home, i straight to the store room and get the supporting stick for walking where i got it from the eldest sister (Michelle) quite some time. tried to get it out, store room getting messy, sound wake my wife up and was standing at my back and ask me curiously (with her 1/2 wake 1/2 sleep): what is going on here? me: i got my knee injured. wife: again???!!!!! me:*thinking - do you think i really want it???

today, Michelle text me and saying she will try to find any friends of her and see if there is any car they can lend me. she said: forget about this kaling car, get somebody else's car then.. i told her sorry for this and she replied: small matter, if he can think wisely, thing will get much more easier.

i called MD Physiotherapy. a 10-years physiotherapy clinic, where i been there few times, to get an appointment by 1.30pm, since i unable to drive, i called to Cab service where i want it to be picked up at home (setapak) to the clinic at Kuchai Lama, 2 mins later, i received a text: order is in processing:, 2 mins afterward: we are sorry, there is no available taxi at the moment, please try again...i was like: what the hack???!!! is this what we call TAXI????!!!! thats fine, its Malaysia Boleh, everybody knows!! so, got to cancel the original appointment and change to tommrow by 11am, my friend, Ah Beh will send me.!!! yeah!!! what a good buddy to me!!

NOW, haiz... i am worrying about my wife, she got to attend the body check-up by saturday, and was thinking if we can manage to make it.. girl, sorry for this. i know i spoiled everything you have plan!!! i am so sorry...

my lowest point... began..

YES, wife was getting pregnant back to february 2014, i was so happy, me and wife were planning to get one earlier and talked about it as much as we want.. and GOD blessed us... by then... i was jobless from Feb to June, and only able to secured a PART-TIME JOB for 6 weeks (and yet got paid less than i expected / being promised, i was so careless not to raise my disagreement about the contract clauses).. what do you expect me to have much good time???

TBH, i nearly committed suicide as not able to cope the pressure by having no job + high monthly commitmentonly myself to be blamed for this issue)... only the FAMILY that makes me realized how important myself to the family... wifey is a quite person, she doesnt talk much if any issues / problems arose, she keep calm and move on. this is what i respect her so much!

i got no saving $, got nowhere to go to borrow $, just contacted my closed friends and get them to understand my situation, THANKS GOD, they were willing to help me up, $ is not the matter (yes, when u borrowed $, u got to pay back as soonest as possible), i am more appreciated the friendships here and realise my buddies always be there for me, not to talk about $, sharing the problem( will ease the headache every night u might got before bed time. seriously, it is!

It was the bad times I HAVE EVER HAD!!!!

got to update the CV and sent to all employers, search through out the vacancy website, every single website will not be missed (afraid of getting missed the opportunity)

plenty of interviews were attended, and yet not able to secure one.. met some bad interviewer, some were good which i believe my application was rejected purely bad [not suitable] experience.. oh common, vacancy for High-Rise building & mixed development were nowhere to match my experience which most of them were in O&G and Power Plant.

desperation, pressure, disappointment were getting higher and higher as times goes by.. "WHAT ELSE CAN I DO", these 5 words always played in my mind. to force myself into good mood / mindset "THE DAYS IS NEVER END", it give me a little bit of peaceful mind for a day, at least..

the "JOBLESS" is always have a bigger picture in my mind than "EXPECTING A 2ND KID". I cant deny that by having "GOOD NEWS' and the "BAD NEWS" at the same time, "BAD NEWS" is always be the 'WINNER" of my psychology. yes, it is!!!!

to be continued...